


every stumble and each misfire

by GuardianKarenTerrier



Series: adrien augreste 2020 [5]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien AUGreste 2020, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Favouritism, Gen, Guardian Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Guilt, Parent Plagg (Miraculous Ladybug), Podfic Welcome, Self-Esteem Issues, Trauma, kwami angst in the background, kwami angst should also be a tag, ladybug needs a hug, master fu i like you but no way did you know what you were doing, seriously tho these kids are traumatised, sorta - Freeform, unify, why on earth isnt that one a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25721932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianKarenTerrier/pseuds/GuardianKarenTerrier
Summary: "It's not like Master Fu was real strict about following the Guardian rules himself, right? I'm pretty sure he never actually learned a lot of them." Ladybug's lips twitch.  "Not that he'd admit it.  But he left me in charge, now, and I don't want to do things the same as him just because that's how they're done."  She draws herself up, reaching slowly out to rest her hands on his upper arms.Adrien holds very still against the burning sensation of her hands on him when he'd been braced to find he'd never feel that again, holds still against the burning at the back of his eyes."I'm not leaving you out."  Ladybug breathes, and at some point he'd begun to unconsciously match his breath to hers.  "I'm still learning, but we can learn together.  I get the impression from Wayzz that it's been a long time since anyone learned from the kwami directly, so I've been thinking we should start there, but I wanted to talk to you about it."She pauses, breathes out when he does."I'm not- ready, yet, but.  But we need to be able to include our own kwami in our discussions, too."Adrienstopsbreathing.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: adrien augreste 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860751
Comments: 66
Kudos: 520





	every stumble and each misfire

**Author's Note:**

> for the 'unify' prompt for adrien augreste
> 
> 'hey terrier didnt you write basically this same concept once already?' yes but i fail to see your point

Despite everything, Adrien's surprised when Ladybug catches his elbow and asks in a low voice to meet up later that night.

He shouldn't be. They need to talk, and quickly. They've gone from a growing group of allies to even fewer than they'd ever had before, because although Master Fu had been a... hands off... kind of mentor at least he had been _there_ if they needed him. 

He'd been there for Ladybug if she needed him, anyway. 

Adrien shoves down _that_ old pang of hurt and listens as Ladybug names a meeting place and lets him choose a time. 

_"Asks_ you," Plagg says later, when Adrien mentions when they're going to have to sneak back out. "Ladybug doesn't _let_ you do things, kid, she _asks_ you." 

Adrien rolls his eyes and sets his pen down, folding his arms across his desk and dropping his head into them. "You get hung up on the weirdest things, you know that?"

Plagg makes an irritated noise and Adrien tenses, trying not to show it, and only relaxes when Plagg settles down on the back of his neck and starts to purr. Adrien has a feeling that Plagg's not going to let go of whatever has him so on edge so easily, but for now he seems more preoccupied with assuring himself that Adrien's all right. 

It had taken Adrien months to realise that's what Plagg is doing. 

He only does it this obviously after the worst battles. The ones where they've risked losing, or been separated. Plagg had done this for him for three nights running after Style Queen, and for a solid week after Feast. 

_This_ being the way Plagg presses close whenever Adrien's gone still, the way Plagg settles as near to skin contact as he can and purrs in a low, quiet rumble until Adrien can't help but relax. 

Adrien has had the impression from very early in their partnership that Plagg's lost people before. Possibly a lot of people. If this is all Plagg wants, Adrien's more than happy to give it to him. 

(If Plagg's purring has lulled Adrien back to sleep after more than one nightmare, Adrien doesn't have to admit that). 

He leaves late, because even though it's been a long day already they don't want to risk being spotted. 

Ladybug's chosen the top of Montparnasse and Adrien fights back a shiver as he stares over the edge, waiting for her. 

"She doesn't know," he murmurs, like he would to Plagg, and wraps his arms around himself before taking slow steps way from the edge. Ladybug saw Adrien fall, not Chat Noir, and for just half a heartbeat that difference seems weirdly insurmountable. 

And then his confidence surges back as if shoved forwards (as if his kwami is reminding him), and he stills and looks up as Ladybug lands beside him. She has a cloth bag slung over one shoulder, and his spirits lift and his ears perk up when he sees the paw print pattern. 

Ladybug meets his quickly brightening expression with a wry smile of her own, before letting the bag slide off her shoulder and onto the roof with a dull thump. 

Adrien doesn't even try to keep his tail under control as he says, carefully, cutting out the things he wants to add that cut too close to flirting, "What have you got there, my Lady?" 

He barely finishes before she yanks him into a tight hug. 

It always takes him a moment too long to hug her back, and he's wondered if she's ever noticed, but this time he actually can't return the favour. His arms were at his sides when she sprang at him, and _her_ arms are wound so tight around him that he can barely move, and it should feel restricting but it's _Ladybug_ and all he can do is relax into her embrace. 

She doesn't say anything for long minutes, just holding him instead, holding him so close that he's acutely aware of his breath every time his chest contracts and expands. He doesn't know what's set her off so bad but she so clearly needs this that Adrien holds himself as still as he can, before finally realising he's gone _too_ stiff and letting himself relax in her grip. 

Ladybug gives great hugs, all gentle grounding pressure and firm reassurance and the knowledge that the moment she senses he's uncomfortable she'll let him go. It's been taking Adrien longer and longer each time to start feeling uncomfortable. 

She tells him that _he_ gives the best hugs, but that can't be right because to his shame he barely knows how. He generally takes all his cues from her and hopes it's not too noticeable. 

After an indeterminable stretch of time Ladybug releases him enough to tug lightly at his arms, drawing them both down carefully to sit on the roof. She has to let go once they're seated and she doesn't seem to want to, hands lingering a moment too long before sliding down his upper arms and dropping away. 

They settle across from each other. 

They stay close enough for their legs to brush. 

"So," Ladybug starts, and takes a deep breath. "I brought the Miracle Box, but I- I want to talk about something first." 

Plagg had purred like he was scared of another loss. Ladybug had held him like she was afraid he'd vanish from her arms. 

Adrien swallows, hard, and feels his ears press flat. "Talk away." 

"I could never do this without you," she says thickly, and he struggles to hide the way his heart seizes. 

Because Ladybug's the Guardian now. 

Because the _last_ Guardian had taken Plagg away, had taken the best parts of Adrien's life away, to try and protect him. 

And Ladybug is so good, she was the natural choice for Master Fu's successor, and what if she wants to-

Ladybug is taking the Miracle Box out of her bag. 

Ladybug is taking the Miracle Box out of her bag and setting it down in the breath of space between the two of them. 

She swallows, eyes darting to Chat and away, her shoulders slowly tensing. "You knew how to unify kwami. What did Master Fu tell you about it?" 

Adrien's mind goes blank-white with relief, but he hauls his attention back as fast as he can. Just because she hasn't asked him yet doesn't mean she won't. 

He desperately wants to believe she won't. She has her bond with Tikki to tell her just what she'd be asking.

(But Master Fu has- had- Wayzz). 

She asked him a question. Adrien's tail twitches as he thinks back, the belt buckle tapping against the roof half a second off time with his heart, rapid and distracting. "Um. Not much, really. He sort of told me how to do it, but Plagg filled in the details when he thought we might have to. Master Fu mentioned it was dangerous, but Plagg seemed way less worried? I mean, Plagg also mentioned danger, but not really to the same degree. Or- or, uh, context." Adrien swallows, thinking of Sass. Plagg had been more worried about unifying with Sass than about unifying at all. 

Sass had been the best option, though. 

Sass had been the only option, though. 

Ladybug frowns, leaving off whatever she's doing with the Box to lean in towards him and study his face. Adrien leans back, unnerved by the sudden scrutiny. 

"That's it?" Ladybug asks softly. "Master Fu didn't say anything else?" 

Adrien looks down to break her gaze, tracing his claws lightly along the seam where his suit changes over to boots. "He never really saw much of me." 

He can tell even without looking when her frown deepens. He knows the changes in her voice. "Minou, he was supposed to be teaching you." 

Adrien thinks of how happy he'd been the day Master Fu had come to replace his old tutor. How relieved. How he'd finally felt like maybe he could let go of his stupid, private fear that Plagg's ring had somehow been left in his room by mistake, that it had never been meant for him after all. 

How oddly, suspiciously quiet Plagg had been, after.

How Adrien can count on one hand the number of times Master Fu had actually kept their appointments, even counting showing up at Nino's party. 

How unsurprised Plagg had been.

"Chat?" 

Adrien shakes himself, looking back at his partner. "He did. Just, I guess he always was more focused on you." His smile feels too forced, which is ridiculous, Adrien knows how to fake a smile under worse circumstances than these. He tries harder until it feels more real. "Makes sense, since he wanted you to be the Guardian." 

Her frown deepens. "I told him I _wouldn't_ be if he didn't start including you more. I thought he did, or I would have come to you instead." 

Something in Adrien breaks and then heals in the span of seconds, in the space between his heartbeat and hers. 

His smile does become real, this time, even as it softens at the edges. "That means more to me than whether or not Master Fu really meant to teach me." 

Slowly, Ladybug shakes her head, her gaze arresting his until he stills under it. "It still _matters,_ minou. _You_ matter. I would never have-" Her breath stutters. "I would _never_ have left you out like that, Chat. Not on purpose." Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath, holds it, lets it out, and repeats in a way that makes it clear she's trying hard to stay calm. 

Adrien can't help the way he tenses at that, and when he sees the way her brow furrows when he does he's abruptly glad to know that she won't ask. She won't risk knowing something that personal. 

"I want to split the Guardianship," Ladybug says hurriedly, tilting her head towards his, and all Adrien's own breath leaves him in a rush. 

He stares at her, completely without a response. 

"I, uh, I'm probably not _supposed_ to," Ladybug adds, opening her eyes again but looking somewhere past him. "We'll have to ask our kwami and Wayzz about it, and maybe some of the others. But I don't think- it's not like Master Fu was real strict about following the Guardian rules himself, right? I'm pretty sure he never actually learned a lot of them." Her lips twitch. "Not that he'd admit it. But he left me in charge, now, and I don't want to do things the same as him just because that's _how they're done."_ She draws herself up, reaching slowly out to rest her hands on his upper arms. 

Adrien holds very still against the burning sensation of her hands on him when he'd been braced to find he'd never feel that again, holds still against the burning at the back of his eyes. 

"I'm not leaving you out." Ladybug breathes, and at some point he'd begun to unconsciously match his breath to hers. "I'm still learning, but we can learn together. I get the impression from Wayzz that it's been a long time since anyone learned from the kwami directly, so I've been thinking we should start there, but I wanted to talk to you about it." She pauses, breathes out when he does. "I'm not- ready, yet, but. But we need to be able to include our own kwami in our discussions, too." 

Adrien _stops_ breathing. 

Her hands tighten on his arms in synchrony with her breath in, encouraging him to start again. 

"I was thinking- the tunnels," she says, as if she hasn't already spent the last few minutes flipping his whole worldview over. "We won't have trouble finding privacy, and we can keep out of each other's sight still, at least at first. And if anyone's going to be safe hanging out down there, it's us." 

Adrien's not going to admit to the rush of longing the idea of _hanging out_ with Ladybug brings. He'd be too embarrassed to admit what brought it on anyway, because he's not as naive as Nino thinks he is and he _knows_ what mental images someone else might have, but his are all-

Too much of his longing is for simple things like board games and sleepovers and just- just sharing _meals,_ he's never stopped remembering that dinner at Marinette's so vividly even with what-came-after-

"Chat, _breathe!"_

He looks up. 

"Breathe, kitty." Ladybug's voice is soft, and she's gentle even when she shakes him. "Do you want us to come up with something else? It doesn't have to be the tunnels, it was just a thought, I know you don't like small spaces and I should have thought it through better-"

"No!" The word tears out of him without his permission. "I, I can, I can handle it. Um. If you're sure about this." 

She's still studying him and he realises too slow that his breathing is still too far out of rhythm. He tries to calm it again, but his heart rate spikes now that he's actually thinking about spending nights in tight closed dark spaces-

With Ladybug. 

_With_ Ladybug, and with Plagg, and with Tikki. 

Not alone. He wouldn't be alone. 

Adrien breathes through it, and breathes through it, and he thinks he's kept the fear from his eyes when he answers Ladybug but from the worried quirk to her mouth he can't be sure. "If it's with you, then I'll be all right, my Lady." 

"Oh, _Chat,"_ Ladybug says, voice thick, and then nothing else for a long moment. When she does speak up again, it's to change the subject. "Did Master Fu at least tell you how dangerous combining Miraculous is?" 

He blinks back the emotions still surging through him to focus on her question. "No. Plagg mentioned danger, but I was more worried about you, I didn't think Plagg'd let me do it if it was too dangerous." 

Ladybug's face does something _very_ complicated at that.

"Master Fu says- said- that it's extremely dangerous." She hasn't moved to take her hands away. Her thumb rubs gentle circles against his upper arm. "It's a mental strain, transforming on top of transforming. The layered powers. Or-" She hesitates. "Or at least, he always says- _said-_ that it's a terrible strain." 

"It doesn't feel like it to you, either," Adrien guesses, and they're close enough that he feels Ladybug's nod just as much as he sees it. "No, Plagg did say that it's dangerous, but he didn't say a whole more than that. He said he'd rather not do it, but he says that about the elemental power-ups, too." 

Ladybug's lips twitch. "Tikki's mentioned that he complains about those, yes." 

"Well _I_ think they're fun." He grins back at her, the heavy atmosphere that's settled around them both lifting a little. "I don't wanna overtax Plagg, but I almost wish we got to use the elemental powers more." 

"They _are_ fun," Ladybug admits, laughing. "When Longg transforms me and Tikki together, it feels a lot like that. Just- _more._ A _lot_ more." 

Adrien thinks of Sass. There _is_ something odd when Sass transforms him, an almost-glitch hiccuping through their combined awareness, but he's put it down to their combined experiences and history. Plagg and Adrien have been together constantly since they'd met, and Adrien has- _months_ with Sass's power, months he doesn't think about, but that had clearly helped fuel Sass against Chloé- and he doesn't know Sass and Plagg's history, but he knows how hurt Plagg had looked when Adrien had finally _paid attention_ instead of blindly accepting the Snake Miraculous. 

"It's the kwami," he says, still thinking. "I think it's dangerous because we're sharing kwami, without knowing their history. So if they don't get _along-"_

"So we had _better_ include our kwami in all our plans." Her grin is bright and fierce, before it turns troubled. "So why didn't Master Fu? Why didn't _his_ teachers?" 

Adrien recallls Plagg's strange silent anger on the rare occasions Master Fu had kept his promise to teach. Plagg didn't always get like that around Master Fu. Looking back, Adrien's certain that it was only when Master Fu came with a lesson. "I think that had better be one of the first things we ask them about."

"I think there's a _lot_ we'd better ask them about." She looks down, one hand slipping down to cover the Miracle Box. "But first I have something to ask you. Chat, I don't like the idea of keeping all the Miraculous in one place. I think we should split them up." 

He pulls back to look at her, but the expression on her face is entirely serious. "I'm not a Guardian, LB." 

"I wouldn't be either if I'd gotten to read the fine print," Ladybug mutters, and then raises her head, mouth setting in a determined line. "You might as well be and you know it. I'm not risking your memory, but that's the only reason you aren't a Guardian, kitty. You've always been my partner. I've never _once_ wanted anyone else. You're my partner, Chat, and you're such an _awesome_ partner- I can't imagine anyone else."

His ears quiver upright as he leans into the praise, eyes half-closing as it washes over him. He's abruptly aware that he's purring steadily, a soft rumble of noise that pins his ears back again as it makes him suddenly self-conscious. 

Plagg's given him a few weird looks and offhand comments about how often he transforms. Plagg hadn't seemed too concerned about any inherent danger to unified Miraculous, but he _has_ told Adrien he shouldn't spend so much time transformed. 

Adrien had attributed it to Plagg's own admitted laziness. He's starting to think there was more to the warning than that. 

"Kitty?" Ladybug's voice is full of warmth and laughter. "Hey, come back to earth, chaton, I didn't mean to break you." 

"Sorry," he says, breathless, grinning helplessly. He'd reached to hold her back at some point, and he becomes slowly aware that one of his hands is _kneading_ at the back of her shoulder. 

Startled and with the previously absent embarrassment bolting through him, Adrien jerks away, flushing. "Sorry-!" 

Ladybug laughs again, earnest and free, and doesn't let go of him in return. "It's all right, kitty, I don't mind." He can _hear_ her smug grin as she adds, "It's cute." 

That does _nothing_ for either his blush or his purr.

Ladybug's voice turns serious again. "I want to split up the Miraculous. I don't think keeping them all in one place is a good idea. I don't even think keeping them in only _two_ places is a very good idea, but they need to be with people we can trust completely." 

Adrien glows a little inside. It's not like he doesn't know that she trusts him, although he can't imagine it's as much as he trusts her- if only because he trusts her absolutely- but he's still so happy every time he actually hears her say it. 

Which he thinks she knows, because she's started to say it more often, and especially when he's having a bad day.

"Maybe we can split them more eventually, but for now-" She slides the Miracle Box open. "Which ones do you want, Chat?" 

He blinks. "You pick."

" _You_ pick," she counters, frowning down at the Box. "You deserve to." 

"No, you do." 

"No, you-" Ladybug appears to suddenly realise what they sound like. Adrien heard it from the start, so he only suppresses a laugh when she glares at him. "We'll take turns."

He tries not to end up with Sass. He ends up with Sass anyway. 

He's not sure how he feels about that. The Snake Miraculous will probably be easiest for him to use, given how much time he has- or hasn't, technically- spent with it, but he also can't keep from flinching whenever he thinks about using it. 

He doesn't remember every attempt. He had, at first, but the memories are blurry and faint by now. They feel more scarred over than they do faded and he doesn't want them. 

But he's used the Snake Miraculous since then and it had gone fine. It had gone well. It had given him nightmares right after, bad enough for Plagg to wake him and keep waking him, but he'd used it and he'd been good at it this time. 

... he'd really like to give it back to Luka. Sass suits Luka better than he does Adrien, anyway. 

Or Adrien likes to think so.

"That's all of them." Ladybug stares at the half-empty Miracle Box, looking distant before she shakes herself. "Tikki's going to be so mad that I didn't talk to her first." 

"Maybe you should take them back and talk to her first." Maybe you should take Sass back, Adrien doesn't say. Maybe you should take the Snake Miraculous away from me again. 

He's not suited for Sass. He's attuned to Sass now in a way he isn't anyone else but Plagg, but a lot less willingly. 

He should have given Sass up sooner before and he knows it. He should give Sass up now. 

(But she'd trusted him with a Miraculous. As Adrien. He'd _had_ to keep trying). 

"I don't think she's going to change my mind," Ladybug admits, leaning back and rummaging through her bag again. She pulls out a bakery box first and hands it off to him without comment, making him perk up again because Ladybug only ever gets pastries from Marinette's.

"Even if she thinks it's safer?" Chat asks, trying and failing not to open the box of pastries immediately.

"I don't see how keeping them all in one place is any safer than you keeping some." Ladybug pulls out a haphazardly carved box with a noise of triumph. "Uh, this isn't really my sort of craft, so this isn't a very good attempt, but I figured you'd need a box too."

It's pretty clearly a beginner's attempt, but Chat's entranced all the same. He takes the box from her with reverence, studying the roughly hewn ladybug and paw print she'd added to the lid and running his claws over the sanded sides. "Thank you, my lady." 

"If I ever get any better at it, I'll get you a better one," she assures him, and Chat clutches the box closer. 

"No, this is mine now," he says stubbornly, meaning every word. "No takebacks." 

(Much later they find out that Tikki was right. It was never safe for Adrien to keep the Miraculous at the mansion. 

But they also find out that it's not because of _him_ at all). 

(Adrien thinks he would almost prefer it if it was).

**Author's Note:**

> look, i know the real reason we probably dont see much of master fu with adrien is bc canon treats marinette as the main character (which is why i dont feel guilty focusing so much (SO MUCH) on adrien, tbh), but i cannot get this particular dynamic with them outta my head 
> 
> title from bastilles good grief
> 
> master fu: this is an extremely dangerous technique 
> 
> plagg and tikki: our kids are the best kids and this is _nothing,_ anything you can do they can do better


End file.
